My letter to my daughter on her Family Anniversary Day

My dearest 5 year old daughter,

On this date 5 years ago, Daddy and I were flying back from Korea with you.   You cried when you were placed in my arms and we were whisked away in the van to the airport.   As we were in the van, I saw the heavy tears coming from her foster mom.    Seeing and hearing both you and your Foster Mom cry, I cried too.  

I fell in love with the beautiful country and its people.  I cried for your loss and your brother and sister's loss.   I cried for your First Mom's loss and your Foster Mom's loss, your loss of country and customs, language, smells, tastes, and more that I cannot put into words.   I cried because you are my child as well as the child of your First Mom and Foster Mom's.   

You cried so hard when we left Eastern that I wondered if you would stop to catch your breath but you did.   I held you in my arms while Daddy took pictures of Seoul as we were leaving it.   You fell asleep in the baby carrier in my arms after about an hour.     My tears were streaming from my eyes.   How beautiful you look...how you look so much like your sister but had some of the same mannerisms as your big brother.      

You fell asleep only to be woken up by me as I got out of the van to go into the airport.  You were crying...crying as you looked about for your Foster Mom.   Oh how my heart just sobbed with yours!    The first leg of the flight was full of you crying...I held you walking up and down the aisle so many times.   I felt so many eyes staring at us but I only looked at you.   You and I spent roughly an hour sitting next to an older Korean woman who got you to smile and fed you.    I heard her tell you that I was your Mommy.   She played with you as well to cheer you up.   I thanked her and her husband who willingly gave up his seat for awhile.  

From Incheon Airport to Atlanta, Georgia you were awake so I was awake with you.  On the flight from Atlanta to our home airport, you slept roughly 2 hours out of the 3.    I didn't want to move when we arrived at our airport, since this was the first real sleep you had.   At 11:30 at night on November 20th, 2007, we arrived.   Daddy carried out all of the carry-ons while I carried you.   My family, Daddy's family, and some of our friends met us at the airport.   Your brother and sister met us in their fleece pajamas.  I sat in the back of the car with you in the car seat.   Nana had bought you a Glow Worm which kept you entertained for the 40 minute ride back to our home. 

Over the 5 years that you have been here, I have said daily prayers for your First Mom and Foster Mom.    So many that I cannot even begin to count.   I am sorry that you felt sad today and I hope that we are celebrating your day today the way that you wanted to celebrate it.   When we lit the candle today I said more prayers...prayers for you, prayers for your Foster Mom, and prayers for your First Mom, a woman that I haven't met but think about each day.  

Thank you, my little one, for all of your snuggles you have given me over the years as well as the hugs.    You have grown into a wonderful, beautiful, loving, and caring girl.   

If only your Foster Mom and First Mom could see you now....    

With much love,

~Your Mommy

Oh no!!! Not the Subject of Racism!!!

Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines RACISM as:

1: a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race

2: racial prejudice or discrimination

Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines the prefix Anti-as:

1a : of the same kind but situated opposite, exerting energy in the opposite direction, or pursuing an opposite policy <anticlinal>
b : one that is opposite in kind to <anticlimax>

2a : opposing or hostile to in opinion, sympathy, or practice <anti-Semite> b : opposing in effect or activity <antacid>

3: serving to prevent, cure, or alleviate <antianxiety>

4: combating or defending against <antiaircraft> <antimissile>

So anti-racism would be anything that is combating racism.

We live in a predominantly Caucasian area here in New York. One of our local radio stations, 810 WGY, posted on their facebook page earlier this afternoon about a mayor in Duluth, Georgia who is endorsing the "Un-Fair Campaign". The poster from WGY commented on their facebook page was this "Wow! Thoughts?". Apparently there is also some controversy with this campaign as well.

The term White Privilege was something that I learned about at session from KAAN's Conference in Boston in July 2007. I learned that when I walk down a street, I don't need to worry about being stopped by a police officer and questioned as to why I'm in that neighborhood like other races might experience. I learned that my children would experience white privilege when they are with me...something that I hadn't even thought about before. When they are away from me it is a totally different story and they wouldn't have this privilege.

I'd like to know your thoughts about the Un-Fair Campaign. Right now, I'm glad it is being brought to light and starting up the discussion on racism and more discussion on White Privilege. If you would like to talk more about this subject or other thought provoking ones, please attend the KAAN Conference in Albany, New York July 27 - 29th. I will be attending and hope to see you there!!

~Jen

Read this open letter from an adoptee

Please read this brutally honest letter. I'm not adopted but I'm a parent to 3 children came from Korea. One of them has their own hurts surrounding their adoption. That child has lots of questions...some of them are easy for me to answer because I have the information, others are deep thought provoking ones. I take those questions as they come and answer those that I can whether they are easy to answer or hard to answer. Sometimes that answer is "I am sorry, I do not know". And I feel horrible that I don't have the answer. "I don't know if your First Mom looked into your eyes and smiled. I don't know if your First Mom's favorite color is blue. I am so sorry that I don't know." Any time a question gets asked, it is always followed up by a hug and kiss.


Please read this article and let me know what you think.

~Jen

A Recent LGA Interview

Hi,

A friend of mine who also adopted from Korea was interviewed recently on the Land of Gazillon Adoptees. I'm hoping that you read it and decide to attend the KAAN conferences even if you haven't adopted from Korea but adopted transracially, are a grandparent to a transracial child, or from the Korean American community. And if you support what KAAN does, please consider donating your money and/or time...it's a worthwhile community!!! And besides I've met many friends there and Martha is just one of them!!

~Jen

Ethnic Attire for Halloween Costumes--I think NOT!!!!!!!!!

I was alerted by this from a friend of mine, Jennifer Hilzinger. She recently posted this to KAAN's facebook page and is allowing me to share. Since then, I found a news article on it on CNN's website. These students did an amazing thing in my opinion. They put in pictures and words what I had been saying and thinking...it's awful to consider a traditional cultural attire as a Halloween costume or to stereotype an ethnic group as well.

A question came up on a Facebook page that I like if we are dressing our children in their Hanboks for Halloween. WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? My children's precious hanboks would be used for them to parade around our neighborhood in to trick or treat???? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!! Hanboks were something that they wore as regular clothes each and every day and now are worn mainly on special occasions. To say that they can go trick or treating in is like saying that I don't care about Korea, my friends who are Korean, and my children and their Korean ancestors. Halloween is certainly NOT a special day to wear one. I posted back that I wouldn't be doing this and why.

On another Facebook page, the business was selling dress up Hanboks like a child would dress up in a surgeon's outfit or as a knight or as a construction worker. I read the comments on there and one woman who was going to buy it had reconsidered due to the comments made on the other page.

Please consider how you are treating the other ethnic groups when you dress up in their traditional attire that they would consider to be their heritage this Halloween season and always.

This Children's Day Won't You Help??

I'm on Facebook and I'm a fan of TRACK (Truth and Reconciliation for the Adoption Community of Korea) on there. They sent their fans a posting to a gift drive that they are having for single mothers in Korea who can not afford to buy stuff that we would consider to be basics for raising a child. Some of the stuff these mothers are asking for are so basic that it's almost surprising for a Westerner to read. Stuff like diapers for one expectant mother for her unborn child, books for another child, toys for others, a backpack for another and more. One caught my eye and we decided to participate in the gift drive for this family.

There are still several others that could use your help.

I'm hoping that you will read this, go to TRACK's website and pick a family to help out.

You'll be putting a smile not only on a child's face but also their mother's as well.

~Jen

I lit a candle for you today...

I lit a candle for you today
it was in memory of losing you
it makes me feel better when I am sad
to say a prayer for you
I hope that you hear the prayer that I have said

I miss you and love you

~Ryan

From my boy to those he misses and loves in Korea. I hope they hear his heart speaking right now.

~His Mommy

Saving Connor...

Please go to Saving Connor to read up on Connor's story. This story tugs at my heartstrings. If you are Korean or know of somebody who is, please consider becoming a bone marrow donor...you never know whose life you'll be saving.

For more information on bone marrow donation, please see my earlier post entitled For Julia. Please donate and do it today.

Maybe you'll be the one to save little Connor...


~Jen

"You're in My Heart..."

Ryan came bounding up to me this morning and said "Mommy Mommy Mommy, you're in my heart"...right there as he pointed at the area that I'm in. He had a huge smile on his face when he said it.

He said that his heart is big and lots of people are in it. I can only imagine who might be there as right now he is using his magnifying glass to search for something.

~Jen

My August Birthday Girl

I now have a 4 year old in the home. Katie turned 4 recently and we had her birthday party here at our home. She is into animals but extremely interested in elephants. She wants to know everything there is to know about elephants. We have stuffed animal elephants, books on elephants, and elephant figurines. Her invites were covered with elephants.

For her birthday she was asking for a baby elephant.

No not a stuffed animal.

No not a book about them.

No not a figurine.

A baby elephant as a pet. She has it worked out that it would live in the home and she would take good care of it. She is beginning to realize that maybe we can't do this. But she can hold out hope can't she??

And since my girl is now 4, she wants to learn how to play soccer. So this fall, after some investigating on my part, we'll enroll both her and Ryan in soccer.

Now I need to figure out where to bring her to see live elephants...I see a trip to a zoo in the future.

~Jen

Space the Final Frontier...

My kids, but most particularly Ryan, is highly interested in the space shuttle. For an hour and a half yesterday afternoon, we had it on TV watching as NASA slowly counts down, does all of their last minute checks with inspecting the shuttle until the final minutes and seconds before it lifts off into space. We learned how far away the moon was from the Earth...a question that Katie had.

He made a rocket out of his bristle blocks and blasted it off into the air as the space shuttle lifted off. Then all of the kids cheered and clapped over this.

Ah the joys of the simple amazing things as the space shuttle lifting off to space as seen through my kids eyes!!

We'll be watching NASA TV as they do their mission. And maybe we'll be able to watch them land as well...

~Jen

Parents Day

Did you know about this holiday??? I will admit that I really didn't either and as I looked up Mother's Day, I found out about this Korean holiday as well. It is celebrated on May 8th.

Parents Day in Korea

Family Month in Korea

More information about Parents Day in Korea

And just like Mother's Day or Father's Day, parents in Korea on Parents Day don't get a day off from work either.

~Jen

Mothers

Each of us have at least one. My kids have three. I think about three of them often. Their First Mom and the two foster moms. I hope that they are well. I wonder what they are thinking about now.

My kids think about their foster mothers often. My son has his own wishes for his foster mother...all good stuff but private things that I can't mention here. It's between them that he has relayed to us. We feel privileged that he can come to us with his feelings and open up from time to time.

I wish that their First Mom is well as we think about her often...I will admit right now that I think it's more me than my kids. My kids do know that they have a birth mommy who was unable to take care of them. Eventually I know that there will be questions from them that I may not have the answers to and that they might look elsewhere for those answers. I am fine with that. It's only natural to have questions. I would be more concerned, I think, if they didn't have any.

For my kids, they think about their foster moms. Two incredibly special women who took in these three children nutured and cared for them as if they were there own and gave them up to strangers who whisked them away in a van to head to the airport for a plane bound for a country far away. Many tears were shed by these women. I know since I cried many tears in that van on the ride to the airport myself just seeing Bella's foster mom crying.

To them, my husband and I are eternally grateful. For our children, they think about them and mentioned them often and pictures are drawn just for them and sent to them. Drawings that are sometimes described to me, held by me briefly before I send them off through our agency to Korea for others. I am overdue on letters and pictures to them and hope to rectify that situation soon.

While all of us have mothers be it a bio mom, an adoptive mom, a foster mom, or somebody that we look(ed) up to as our mom, I want to wish you a Happy Mother's Day. I hope that you find some peace this Mother's Day.

History of Mother's Day in the US

Happy Mother's Day to all of you...

Today's Events Part II

This afternoon, after the kids napped, we watched the Inaugural Parade. Jeff and I had to convince the kids to have dinner at the big table (the one in our Breakfast Nook). After dinner, they could watch the parade. Bella sat on my lap after dinner on the floor of our family room and waved at Michelle Obama every time she saw her wave. My littlest one then started in with "Hi Michelle" every time Michelle waved. I'm not sure if Bella thought The First Lady was waving directly at her or not. It was so cute just the same.

My oldest two were excited...they waved their flags and jumped for joy. I printed off Obama paper buttons for them to wear and they wore them for as long as the tape lasted.

So I hope that President and Mrs. Obama know that my 4 1/2 year old son wants to work to rebuild America and my nearly 2 year old just wants to say "Hi Michelle". All of my kids loved to wave their flags, both of them...their Korean flags and their American flags.

~Jen

My Dream...

Like MLK, I have a dream. Like him, I hope that one day that our founding forefathers' words on the Declaration of Independence will ring true...that all men (and women) will be created equal.

I hope that one day my children will not encounter racism anywhere and to dream big (and if the dream of theirs is to become President of the US that is fine with this mom).

I hope that my children will be able to have open adoption relationship with their First Mom.

I hope that one day all children that are given up for adoption are truly orphans and aren't sold or stolen from their First Families.

I hope that one day men, women and children aren't bought and sold into slavery.

I hope that we can live in a society of peaceful existence without any prejudices or stereotyping.

I hope that one day I can say that I don't have any white privileges since all races have the same rights and privileges as I do.

I hope that my readers do something to help the world that they live in whether that be the world inside their homes, outside their door or the online world.

I hope that my readers understand that racism does indeed exist (whether it be subtle or not so subtle) and do stand up against it.

These are my hopes and my dreams today.

~Jen

MLK Day and Insights from My Oldest Two Kids

Today is the celebration of a man who was shot so many years ago due to beliefs that he had. He had hope for this country that people would live in harmony and equality and that hope that he started so many years ago still lives to this day. He hoped that a black man and a white man could be like brothers without prejudices, without stereotypes, and with love. He truly believed in the phrase that all men are created equal as stated in the Declaration of Independence signed by our forefathers in 1776. His dream lives on today.

I told my kids in simplest of terms for a 4 and 3 year old to understand about a man who stood up to the mean people during his time, who talked to many different people, and changed the country forever. I told my kids that Dr. King wasn't mean back to the mean people but instead did peaceful things to start change. I told them that he was kind even when people were mean to him.

I told them that even though they are different from each other (Ryan being a boy versus the two girls, each of them having different learning abilities and more), they are human and human beings should be nice to each other and be helpful to one another. I then explained that even though they are different than me, we still need to be nice to one another, treat each other as we want to be treated, and do and say kind things to one another. My kids agreed.

During lunch time, Ryan mentions that he doesn't like The Mean People. I asked him what mean people. He responds the people that were mean to the King (Dr. King). He thinks that people shouldn't be mean to each other and should be nice and helpful. He doesn't understand why people are mean to each other...he wants people to get along with one another and help each other. I told him "so do I sweetheart, so do I".

I talked to Ryan and Katie about President-elect Obama with his swearing in ceremony tomorrow in Washington DC. Ryan and Katie want to watch an African-American man become President for the first time in US history.

Tomorrow our TV will be tuned into the the events in Washington DC and hopefully my children will get something out of the events.

~Jen

Conversations with Daddy

Let me set the scene:

It's our home about 9 pm in the girls' room. The girls should be sleeping however Jeff can hear giggling and talking from their room. In walks Jeff through the girls' bedroom door...

Daddy: Are you two sleeping in here?
Katie: (sitting straight up) I'm sleeping!!
Bella: (sitting straight up) I sleepin'
Daddy: So how is it that you are sleeping and sitting up in your beds?

Bella and Katie lay back down
Jeff exits out the bedroom door and closes it

So what you do all think?? Were the girls sleeping?? Or were they having a party in there room with lots of giggling and talking??

Next morning scene is that Bella is still sleeping however Katie is up and cranky. Do you have any ideas as to why she might be so cranky??? Could it be that she stayed up past her bedtime and woke up at her normal time???? Naw couldn't be that, could it?????

~Jen

Dick and Jane Story Collection Volume 1 & My 4 1/2 and 3 Year Olds

Both of my oldest two kids are learning to read. Ryan is on page 114 of 193 . Katie is on page 66 and read 13 pages last night with little problem. It's simply amazing to see something just click like this.

Tonight we're reading Dick and Jane again. Bella wants to read but she is learning her letters, colors and numbers for now.

~Jen

What's for Breakfast in Our Household

Okay the proverbial question "What's for Dinner" is now also "What's for Breakfast?". This morning the kids (all three of them) asked for white kimchi made by Sunja's Kimchi (as they call it--it's the non spicy kind) for breakfast. They ate up the 1/3 of the jar that we had of it. Unfortunately we haven't been able to find more of it at the grocery stores in our area. However I did find it for purchase online and we're just going to have to pick some up. Now should we it up by the gallon???

Now also for breakfast they asked for a rice dish while not Korean is similar to Bibimbop (rice, meat, and vegetables galore all mixed in).

Tomorrow morning should be interesting as we have red kimchi (the spicy stuff as the two oldest call it) only in the refrigerator and the rice dish is all gone since they ate it up this morning. I have tried the washing off of the kimchi to please their palates at the moment but they will not eat it for fear of getting some spiciness. Will there be protesting in our home???

For those of you who read this that are local to us (and you know who you are), please be on the look out for the Sunja's White Kimchi and either pick some up for us or let us know where we can find it.

~Jen

Pre-Christmas in our Home

We have been preparing here for Christmas to come. The tree is up and decorated by mostly the kids (I'll have to upload photos after Christmas for you to see). I have hung up the special ornaments for the kids. The lotus blossom trinket that I picked up at Jogyesa Buddhist Temple in Seoul when we were there last year, the individual grandson/granddaughter ones that the kids have gotten from their grandparents and more. I have baked brown sugar cookies already (and have already tasted the ones that broke--mmmm good!!!!).

On the menu so far for Christmas is:

pineapple/cream cheese dip with crackers
Christmas ham
peas and pearl onions
corn
scalloped potatoes
homemade bread
various cookies
chocolate cream pie (that is if my dad is good)
Korean pear (got them from the Korean food market and boy are they good!!!!)
Korean rice cookies for Bella in particular but also for Ryan and Katie if they would like it

The kids are awaiting Santa's presence however the kids in this household haven't been on Santa's nice list this month (uh oh!!!!!). We hope that changes very soon as Christmas is just days away.

~Jen