Hi,
It was so difficult for me on Sunday to put on my happy face and go with my family to see Thomas the Tank Engine. My mind was on several things including Julia, John and everyone else touched by her. Since then, my thoughts are with all of you who are grieving her loss. Besides the
online candles for Julia what else could I do. She had a way with her words that I couldn't think I can accomplish. Most days that I'm am writing and not writing on behalf of my kids, I'm speaking from my heart. Julia seemed to speak from her heart with every posting she did.
Her one from May 9th posting entitled "Simply Not Done" speaks volumes. I couldn't write her back...I couldn't see through my tears each time I opened up that particular one. I still can't. Nothing came to my mind when I did try...I hate the way this last chapter ended, Julia and John. Just hate it.
I wished that I could have been eloquent and said something. I don't know if my posts are so eloquent as Margie's Post on Julia and all of the other posts about her that Margie wrote. Judy wrote about the grief as well. It made me think about my losses of loved ones and the losses that my kids, their First Mom, and their Foster Families experienced and still experience. It's well written and you should read it. And reading John's post and this one from John as well is just heart breaking. Be prepared with the tissues for all of them.
If you haven't read Julia's blog read it from the earliest days to now...you'll learn alot from this woman. I know that reading her blog affected me just like going to Korea did in November.
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I know that I've posted about this before but I have to post it again...my labor of love for you, Julia, and all who loved her so much:
If you are not a bone marrow donor please consider doing this.
Read up how the bone marrow donation and Myths and Facts about Bone Marrow Donation is done.
Also head to National Marrow Donor Program Medical Guidelines for the requirements.
Also Race and Ethnicity matter when it comes to donating.
Head to Asians for Miracle Marrow Matches, Asian American Donor Program, Asian and Pacific Islanders Can Save Lives brochure in Korean, and Korean Focus Info on Bone Marrow Donation to learn how you can help.
I learned that 3% of Asian Americans are registered
I learned more that there is a 35-45% of match if your ethnic minority but nearly 85% if you're Caucasian and that is due to more Caucasians being on the donor registry than the ethnic minorities.
I also learned that of the 6.5 million registered bone marrow donors only 50,000 are Korean.
Can you help these people? They need a bone marrow transplant:
Omar
Project Michelle
Theo, a KAD
Pastor Paul Kwon's Story
And that is just the Asians that I know about...how many others are there??
Do you remember reading about these people?
Brian Bauman's Story
Korean Actress Choi Kang-hee's Donation Story.
and that is just a small sampling of what I found.
Julia and John, I did this for you and all of the other Korean adoptees out there. John, it may not be much but it's my gift. I hope that this post inspires others to register to be a bone marrow done and accept when they are called as a match. Please feel free to pass this along to others. And please please please donate since you never know whose life you might be saving. If you aren't in the minority, please consider honoring your children by getting the word out about bone marrow registration, giving money to pay for the testing, volunteering at a bone marrow drive, and more.
~Jen
what we, the kids of the family, have been up to
You ask them to smile and this is what they do...
Where Our Readers are From
"Sticks and Stones..."
Do you remember the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me"?? Names can and do hurt. They hurt those that we have face to face contact with and those people that we haven't seen half a world away.
Since we found out about our son's First Mom (birthmom) giving birth to dear Katie and then Bella, we have heard many comments made about her and about Korea.
Here are just some of them:
"Don't they have birth control in Korea?"
"Can't she keep her legs closed?"
"Doesn't the birth mom know any better...why doesn't she say no?"
"Korea must be a third world country since she keeps on having babies that she can't take care of"
"What's wrong with the birthmom?" (they are talking about her mental health)
This is just a sampling of what I have heard from people that I wouldn't have expected to hear these comments from. These comments hurt not only myself but also the birth mother to my children that I have never met who bore me three beautiful bright children. I have cried many tears after hearing such comments.
The comment "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" is a lie. It's something that parents told their children so that it would take the sting out of the rude comment made by others. Unfortunately names do hurt others.
You have hurt me to the point where I cry for myself, for my children's First Mom, and for my children. You are also hurting Ryan, Katie and Bella as well by putting down their birthcountry, their birthculture and their First Mom. I thank God every single day that they haven't been around to hear the comments and understand them.
You are putting down the country that they came from, putting down their culture and heritage, putting down the First Mom who carried them in her womb for 9 months and endured the pain of labor and delivery and the daily pain of not having her children there with her. You are putting down our decision to adopt to start our family, putting down our decision to adopt from a foreign country, and putting down our decision to adopt from Korea.
THAT REALLY HURTS!!!!
I hope that none of my readers are thinking that they can make these comments without them hurting somebody in our adoption family (the First Mom, the children's Foster Mommy, our children and Jeff and I). We hope that you are smarter than this. We hope that we don't have friends and family who are reading this who are that self-centered to think and say these things.
I'm sorry if I come off being rude here but we have heard some extremely rude comments that we won't stand for. If we hear them on the phone, in person, or read them, we will respond accordingly.
Why don't you ask us about Korea's economics? We'll tell you that it's a growing country. We'll tell you all of the development going on over there that we have seen. We'll show you pictures of all of the construction going on. From what we have seen, it certainly isn't a Third World country!!!!
Why don't you ask us about Korea's culture? We'll talk to you all about it with regards to adoption. I'll give you the translation of what the Founder of Eastern has prayed for over each individual child who leaves Eastern's facility before that child is placed in the arms of the escort or parent. Maybe your hearts won't be made of stone then.
Why don't you ask us about how Korea's adoption process works? After going through it three times, and having 2 children escorted and traveling over to Korea once to pick up our youngest, don't you think we understand about the Korean adoption process??? Do you think we're not qualified to discuss the subject??
The First Mom doesn't deserve the comments that you are making about her. Talking so ill of another human being is so junior high-ish and I'm so tired of the head games. Go back to Junior High and play them there.
My children don't deserve the comments you are making about their birthmother. How dare you put her down!! How dare you put them down by extension!!! How dare you put down the way we decided to start our family!!!!
If you can't understand any of this and are unwilling to ask us about it, then stop reading this blog and stop interacting with us. We want to surround ourselves with people who can understand or who will ask us questions. We want people who are supportive of our children not trying to deconstruct them and make them cry and feel like sh*&!!!
Note this: I will defend our decision to adopt from Korea, defend our children's First Mom, and defend our children from all of the rude comments YOU have been making.
When I got diagnosed with endometriosis and spoke in front of people in Washington DC on the Mall in 2001, I found my voice. I have been using it ever since. Don't you dare think I'll remain silent on this issue because I won't...you won't silence me!!!
To those of you reading this who are supportive, I humbly apologize. I hope that you will understand why I needed to say what has been said and won't judge others that you haven't even seen.
Since we found out about our son's First Mom (birthmom) giving birth to dear Katie and then Bella, we have heard many comments made about her and about Korea.
Here are just some of them:
"Don't they have birth control in Korea?"
"Can't she keep her legs closed?"
"Doesn't the birth mom know any better...why doesn't she say no?"
"Korea must be a third world country since she keeps on having babies that she can't take care of"
"What's wrong with the birthmom?" (they are talking about her mental health)
This is just a sampling of what I have heard from people that I wouldn't have expected to hear these comments from. These comments hurt not only myself but also the birth mother to my children that I have never met who bore me three beautiful bright children. I have cried many tears after hearing such comments.
The comment "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" is a lie. It's something that parents told their children so that it would take the sting out of the rude comment made by others. Unfortunately names do hurt others.
You have hurt me to the point where I cry for myself, for my children's First Mom, and for my children. You are also hurting Ryan, Katie and Bella as well by putting down their birthcountry, their birthculture and their First Mom. I thank God every single day that they haven't been around to hear the comments and understand them.
You are putting down the country that they came from, putting down their culture and heritage, putting down the First Mom who carried them in her womb for 9 months and endured the pain of labor and delivery and the daily pain of not having her children there with her. You are putting down our decision to adopt to start our family, putting down our decision to adopt from a foreign country, and putting down our decision to adopt from Korea.
THAT REALLY HURTS!!!!
I hope that none of my readers are thinking that they can make these comments without them hurting somebody in our adoption family (the First Mom, the children's Foster Mommy, our children and Jeff and I). We hope that you are smarter than this. We hope that we don't have friends and family who are reading this who are that self-centered to think and say these things.
I'm sorry if I come off being rude here but we have heard some extremely rude comments that we won't stand for. If we hear them on the phone, in person, or read them, we will respond accordingly.
Why don't you ask us about Korea's economics? We'll tell you that it's a growing country. We'll tell you all of the development going on over there that we have seen. We'll show you pictures of all of the construction going on. From what we have seen, it certainly isn't a Third World country!!!!
Why don't you ask us about Korea's culture? We'll talk to you all about it with regards to adoption. I'll give you the translation of what the Founder of Eastern has prayed for over each individual child who leaves Eastern's facility before that child is placed in the arms of the escort or parent. Maybe your hearts won't be made of stone then.
Why don't you ask us about how Korea's adoption process works? After going through it three times, and having 2 children escorted and traveling over to Korea once to pick up our youngest, don't you think we understand about the Korean adoption process??? Do you think we're not qualified to discuss the subject??
The First Mom doesn't deserve the comments that you are making about her. Talking so ill of another human being is so junior high-ish and I'm so tired of the head games. Go back to Junior High and play them there.
My children don't deserve the comments you are making about their birthmother. How dare you put her down!! How dare you put them down by extension!!! How dare you put down the way we decided to start our family!!!!
If you can't understand any of this and are unwilling to ask us about it, then stop reading this blog and stop interacting with us. We want to surround ourselves with people who can understand or who will ask us questions. We want people who are supportive of our children not trying to deconstruct them and make them cry and feel like sh*&!!!
Note this: I will defend our decision to adopt from Korea, defend our children's First Mom, and defend our children from all of the rude comments YOU have been making.
When I got diagnosed with endometriosis and spoke in front of people in Washington DC on the Mall in 2001, I found my voice. I have been using it ever since. Don't you dare think I'll remain silent on this issue because I won't...you won't silence me!!!
To those of you reading this who are supportive, I humbly apologize. I hope that you will understand why I needed to say what has been said and won't judge others that you haven't even seen.
1 comment:
Jennifer:
I read about Julia and my heart goes out to her and John. Jennifer keep up the good work that you are doing for all Koreans and especially Korean adoptees. I love my grandchildren and can't imagine not having them around. I pray to God that all Asians read this and can donate. There is such a need for bone marrow donations. If they can't donate, then at least pray, especially for Julia and John but not only for them but for then all Asians. Their donation may be saving their own child or sibling.
Peace and God Bless,
Jennifer's Mom and grandmother of the greatest grandchildren in the world.
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