Hi,
Picture this: one home full of 3 kids who love it the mail carrier comes by in the truck to deliver the mail to our rural route home. Add in one sheltie who loves to get the mail as well. Mix in some barking and some "I wanna go get it...I wanna go get it" and what do you have???
One Mommy who walks down the driveway holding her oldest daughter's hand, her son is holding the daughter's other hand. In her free arm she is holding her youngest daughter. The entire crew walks to the end of the driveway, and the Mommy takes it to be a teaching moment. She teaches her children that they need to stop and look both ways before crossing the street. Her son looks both ways as well as her oldest daughter and they respond back "no cars coming Mommy".
They proceed to cross the street to grab the mail. The kids are kept far away from the road on the neighbor's lawn while the Mommy grabs the mail. She quickly grabs her oldest daughter's hand and checks to see if her son has the other hand which he does. They look both ways again before crossing the street back to their home.
Once they get beyond the first set of lilac bushes, the Mommy lets go of her daughter's hand and says to her two oldest "okay you can run back to our home" to which the kids break out into a full tilt run laughing.
Where is the Sheltie you might ask? In the home looking upset since Mommy doesn't have enough hands to walk the dog across the street as well.
After looking at the mail and handing out 3 pieces of it to her kids (who all want a piece to look at for awhile before they toss it aside), she announces that "it's resting time" and all 3 proceed up the stairs to go rest. The Mommy kisses each one of them with an unique kiss. One child requires a kiss on the forehead and both of the cheeks. Another child requires and kiss on the cheeks. The third child requires a kiss on your hand and for you to place your hand (the delivery tool) to her forehead, both of her cheeks, her chin and her mouth.
After giving each their blankies, she tells her oldest two to play quietly and allow their younger sister to nap. "Play quietly" means that the two oldest go into the big brother's room and play with Thomas the train, matchbox cars, legos, and look at books all the while giggling can be heard throughout the home.
After she walks downstairs, she thinks about an earlier conversation she had today with a good friend of hers and then about her own online diary that the world sees.
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Here's what I was reminded of today:
(1) Sometimes you need to just let go of things in your life.
(2) You all haven't seen all of me or my children. But at the same time, you didn't ask either.
While my kids do see Korean videos or listen to Korean music, they also watch Wiggles, Thomas the Tank Engine, Sesame Street, Care Bear movies, Cars, Alvin and the Chipmunks movie, and Super Why (not all in one day I might add just for those of you who are concerned about them watching too much TV). They also listen to Kindermusik music, Raffi, Wiggles (yes we have both DVDs and CDs), Thomas (yes we have both of this one as well), Disney children's music and more. My kids decide what they watch or listen to off of that list and within reason (we don't watch a movie right before bedtime for example). I give them a choice and 99% of the time their Korean videos and Korean music aren't on that list. It used to be nearly daily but not so much anymore.
We have tea time where Katie will pass out tea cups to everybody and give you a plate as well with cookies that she made for you. I build train tracks for Ryan to play his Thomas the Trains on. You haven't seen Ryan play with his tool bench when Alpha Pig is banging on his on Super Why. You haven't seen Bella knocked down a tower of blocks only to hear her giggle like she is a mad scientist at work. Nor have you experience playing "base-aball" here in our home.
Definition of Base-aball: You take a ball...doesn't matter what size ball you find. It could be the dog's ball that she can pick up in her own mouth or it can be one that you pick up at the local grocery store for your kids to kick around that has Care Bears or Thomas on it. You sit on the floor and roll the ball to anybody else nearby who could possibly roll (or kick) the ball back to the sender. Eventually everybody on the floor is involved with base-aball including our dog, Maggie.
As you see, I'm not all about crying in front of my children (which by the way I don't do). I'm not forcing my children to watch Korean videos or listen to Korean children's music...that is their choice entirely. They are into other things like Thomas or Cars for Ryan, like Care Bears for Katie, like Hello Kitty for Bella, as well as Elmo and Sesame Street. They like to ride on their trikes and cozy coupes. They like the most recent $10 purchase by their Mommy of their slide for the backyard.
They like watching the two bunnies in our yard and other bugs and birds and learning where they live and what they eat.
I'm so sorry to those of you who thought that I am only about shoving Korea down my children's throats (and yours). I'm so sorry to those of you who thought that my kids weren't involved with other things that they enjoy doing...the typical toddler and preschool things. I'm so sorry to those of you who think that I'm crying all the time--be it in front of my kids or out of their sight...since I am not. I'm so sorry to any adoptee out there reading this blog and thinking that I'm claiming your loss as my own...I am not.
I'm so sorry that I haven't been a good in giving you all an idea of what happens in our happy home.
I'm so sorry that I haven't painted for you the complete picture of our family life and I will change that. And now as my kids are done "resting" upstairs, I will get off of my soapbox and go back to my playing with them.
Bye for awhile.
what we, the kids of the family, have been up to
You ask them to smile and this is what they do...
Where Our Readers are From
"Sticks and Stones..."
Do you remember the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me"?? Names can and do hurt. They hurt those that we have face to face contact with and those people that we haven't seen half a world away.
Since we found out about our son's First Mom (birthmom) giving birth to dear Katie and then Bella, we have heard many comments made about her and about Korea.
Here are just some of them:
"Don't they have birth control in Korea?"
"Can't she keep her legs closed?"
"Doesn't the birth mom know any better...why doesn't she say no?"
"Korea must be a third world country since she keeps on having babies that she can't take care of"
"What's wrong with the birthmom?" (they are talking about her mental health)
This is just a sampling of what I have heard from people that I wouldn't have expected to hear these comments from. These comments hurt not only myself but also the birth mother to my children that I have never met who bore me three beautiful bright children. I have cried many tears after hearing such comments.
The comment "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" is a lie. It's something that parents told their children so that it would take the sting out of the rude comment made by others. Unfortunately names do hurt others.
You have hurt me to the point where I cry for myself, for my children's First Mom, and for my children. You are also hurting Ryan, Katie and Bella as well by putting down their birthcountry, their birthculture and their First Mom. I thank God every single day that they haven't been around to hear the comments and understand them.
You are putting down the country that they came from, putting down their culture and heritage, putting down the First Mom who carried them in her womb for 9 months and endured the pain of labor and delivery and the daily pain of not having her children there with her. You are putting down our decision to adopt to start our family, putting down our decision to adopt from a foreign country, and putting down our decision to adopt from Korea.
THAT REALLY HURTS!!!!
I hope that none of my readers are thinking that they can make these comments without them hurting somebody in our adoption family (the First Mom, the children's Foster Mommy, our children and Jeff and I). We hope that you are smarter than this. We hope that we don't have friends and family who are reading this who are that self-centered to think and say these things.
I'm sorry if I come off being rude here but we have heard some extremely rude comments that we won't stand for. If we hear them on the phone, in person, or read them, we will respond accordingly.
Why don't you ask us about Korea's economics? We'll tell you that it's a growing country. We'll tell you all of the development going on over there that we have seen. We'll show you pictures of all of the construction going on. From what we have seen, it certainly isn't a Third World country!!!!
Why don't you ask us about Korea's culture? We'll talk to you all about it with regards to adoption. I'll give you the translation of what the Founder of Eastern has prayed for over each individual child who leaves Eastern's facility before that child is placed in the arms of the escort or parent. Maybe your hearts won't be made of stone then.
Why don't you ask us about how Korea's adoption process works? After going through it three times, and having 2 children escorted and traveling over to Korea once to pick up our youngest, don't you think we understand about the Korean adoption process??? Do you think we're not qualified to discuss the subject??
The First Mom doesn't deserve the comments that you are making about her. Talking so ill of another human being is so junior high-ish and I'm so tired of the head games. Go back to Junior High and play them there.
My children don't deserve the comments you are making about their birthmother. How dare you put her down!! How dare you put them down by extension!!! How dare you put down the way we decided to start our family!!!!
If you can't understand any of this and are unwilling to ask us about it, then stop reading this blog and stop interacting with us. We want to surround ourselves with people who can understand or who will ask us questions. We want people who are supportive of our children not trying to deconstruct them and make them cry and feel like sh*&!!!
Note this: I will defend our decision to adopt from Korea, defend our children's First Mom, and defend our children from all of the rude comments YOU have been making.
When I got diagnosed with endometriosis and spoke in front of people in Washington DC on the Mall in 2001, I found my voice. I have been using it ever since. Don't you dare think I'll remain silent on this issue because I won't...you won't silence me!!!
To those of you reading this who are supportive, I humbly apologize. I hope that you will understand why I needed to say what has been said and won't judge others that you haven't even seen.
Since we found out about our son's First Mom (birthmom) giving birth to dear Katie and then Bella, we have heard many comments made about her and about Korea.
Here are just some of them:
"Don't they have birth control in Korea?"
"Can't she keep her legs closed?"
"Doesn't the birth mom know any better...why doesn't she say no?"
"Korea must be a third world country since she keeps on having babies that she can't take care of"
"What's wrong with the birthmom?" (they are talking about her mental health)
This is just a sampling of what I have heard from people that I wouldn't have expected to hear these comments from. These comments hurt not only myself but also the birth mother to my children that I have never met who bore me three beautiful bright children. I have cried many tears after hearing such comments.
The comment "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" is a lie. It's something that parents told their children so that it would take the sting out of the rude comment made by others. Unfortunately names do hurt others.
You have hurt me to the point where I cry for myself, for my children's First Mom, and for my children. You are also hurting Ryan, Katie and Bella as well by putting down their birthcountry, their birthculture and their First Mom. I thank God every single day that they haven't been around to hear the comments and understand them.
You are putting down the country that they came from, putting down their culture and heritage, putting down the First Mom who carried them in her womb for 9 months and endured the pain of labor and delivery and the daily pain of not having her children there with her. You are putting down our decision to adopt to start our family, putting down our decision to adopt from a foreign country, and putting down our decision to adopt from Korea.
THAT REALLY HURTS!!!!
I hope that none of my readers are thinking that they can make these comments without them hurting somebody in our adoption family (the First Mom, the children's Foster Mommy, our children and Jeff and I). We hope that you are smarter than this. We hope that we don't have friends and family who are reading this who are that self-centered to think and say these things.
I'm sorry if I come off being rude here but we have heard some extremely rude comments that we won't stand for. If we hear them on the phone, in person, or read them, we will respond accordingly.
Why don't you ask us about Korea's economics? We'll tell you that it's a growing country. We'll tell you all of the development going on over there that we have seen. We'll show you pictures of all of the construction going on. From what we have seen, it certainly isn't a Third World country!!!!
Why don't you ask us about Korea's culture? We'll talk to you all about it with regards to adoption. I'll give you the translation of what the Founder of Eastern has prayed for over each individual child who leaves Eastern's facility before that child is placed in the arms of the escort or parent. Maybe your hearts won't be made of stone then.
Why don't you ask us about how Korea's adoption process works? After going through it three times, and having 2 children escorted and traveling over to Korea once to pick up our youngest, don't you think we understand about the Korean adoption process??? Do you think we're not qualified to discuss the subject??
The First Mom doesn't deserve the comments that you are making about her. Talking so ill of another human being is so junior high-ish and I'm so tired of the head games. Go back to Junior High and play them there.
My children don't deserve the comments you are making about their birthmother. How dare you put her down!! How dare you put them down by extension!!! How dare you put down the way we decided to start our family!!!!
If you can't understand any of this and are unwilling to ask us about it, then stop reading this blog and stop interacting with us. We want to surround ourselves with people who can understand or who will ask us questions. We want people who are supportive of our children not trying to deconstruct them and make them cry and feel like sh*&!!!
Note this: I will defend our decision to adopt from Korea, defend our children's First Mom, and defend our children from all of the rude comments YOU have been making.
When I got diagnosed with endometriosis and spoke in front of people in Washington DC on the Mall in 2001, I found my voice. I have been using it ever since. Don't you dare think I'll remain silent on this issue because I won't...you won't silence me!!!
To those of you reading this who are supportive, I humbly apologize. I hope that you will understand why I needed to say what has been said and won't judge others that you haven't even seen.