The Official Cox Family Kids Blog: February 2011

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I lit a candle for you today...

I lit a candle for you today
it was in memory of losing you
it makes me feel better when I am sad
to say a prayer for you
I hope that you hear the prayer that I have said

I miss you and love you

~Ryan

From my boy to those he misses and loves in Korea. I hope they hear his heart speaking right now.

~His Mommy

"Sticks and Stones..."

Do you remember the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me"?? Names can and do hurt. They hurt those that we have face to face contact with and those people that we haven't seen half a world away.

Since we found out about our son's First Mom (birthmom) giving birth to dear Katie and then Bella, we have heard many comments made about her and about Korea.

Here are just some of them:

"Don't they have birth control in Korea?"

"Can't she keep her legs closed?"

"Doesn't the birth mom know any better...why doesn't she say no?"

"Korea must be a third world country since she keeps on having babies that she can't take care of"

"What's wrong with the birthmom?" (they are talking about her mental health)

This is just a sampling of what I have heard from people that I wouldn't have expected to hear these comments from. These comments hurt not only myself but also the birth mother to my children that I have never met who bore me three beautiful bright children. I have cried many tears after hearing such comments.

The comment "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" is a lie. It's something that parents told their children so that it would take the sting out of the rude comment made by others. Unfortunately names do hurt others.

You have hurt me to the point where I cry for myself, for my children's First Mom, and for my children. You are also hurting Ryan, Katie and Bella as well by putting down their birthcountry, their birthculture and their First Mom. I thank God every single day that they haven't been around to hear the comments and understand them.

You are putting down the country that they came from, putting down their culture and heritage, putting down the First Mom who carried them in her womb for 9 months and endured the pain of labor and delivery and the daily pain of not having her children there with her. You are putting down our decision to adopt to start our family, putting down our decision to adopt from a foreign country, and putting down our decision to adopt from Korea.
THAT REALLY HURTS!!!!

I hope that none of my readers are thinking that they can make these comments without them hurting somebody in our adoption family (the First Mom, the children's Foster Mommy, our children and Jeff and I). We hope that you are smarter than this. We hope that we don't have friends and family who are reading this who are that self-centered to think and say these things.

I'm sorry if I come off being rude here but we have heard some extremely rude comments that we won't stand for. If we hear them on the phone, in person, or read them, we will respond accordingly.

Why don't you ask us about Korea's economics? We'll tell you that it's a growing country. We'll tell you all of the development going on over there that we have seen. We'll show you pictures of all of the construction going on. From what we have seen, it certainly isn't a Third World country!!!!

Why don't you ask us about Korea's culture? We'll talk to you all about it with regards to adoption. I'll give you the translation of what the Founder of Eastern has prayed for over each individual child who leaves Eastern's facility before that child is placed in the arms of the escort or parent. Maybe your hearts won't be made of stone then.

Why don't you ask us about how Korea's adoption process works? After going through it three times, and having 2 children escorted and traveling over to Korea once to pick up our youngest, don't you think we understand about the Korean adoption process??? Do you think we're not qualified to discuss the subject??

The First Mom doesn't deserve the comments that you are making about her. Talking so ill of another human being is so junior high-ish and I'm so tired of the head games. Go back to Junior High and play them there.

My children don't deserve the comments you are making about their birthmother. How dare you put her down!! How dare you put them down by extension!!! How dare you put down the way we decided to start our family!!!!

If you can't understand any of this and are unwilling to ask us about it, then stop reading this blog and stop interacting with us. We want to surround ourselves with people who can understand or who will ask us questions. We want people who are supportive of our children not trying to deconstruct them and make them cry and feel like sh*&!!!

Note this: I will defend our decision to adopt from Korea, defend our children's First Mom, and defend our children from all of the rude comments YOU have been making.

When I got diagnosed with endometriosis and spoke in front of people in Washington DC on the Mall in 2001, I found my voice. I have been using it ever since. Don't you dare think I'll remain silent on this issue because I won't...you won't silence me!!!

To those of you reading this who are supportive, I humbly apologize. I hope that you will understand why I needed to say what has been said and won't judge others that you haven't even seen.

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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I lit a candle for you today...

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