Tears of Joy...Tears of Sorrow

My little girl is so close to walking it's amazing. She took 10 steps before falling down yesterday. She was so proud of herself. She wants to walk to me and not to her Daddy. I'm so happy that she prefers me. I never had that with Ryan at this age. He preferred Daddy. Katie didn't really care one way or the other who she went to although she is more of a Daddy's girl.

Last night, I cried before I headed to bed. This little thing that you might think is fairly insignificant was a huge thing to me last night. This is one more milestone that the First Mom is missing out on. My little B is walking before her first birthday (yet another milestone and something of great importance for Koreans).

On R's and K's birthdays in the past, I have had many happy moments. At night, I'm sitting and crying about the losses both they and their First Mom have endured. So many losses in their young lives...too many for ones so young and innocent.

When we started our adoption journey back in May of 2004 to become parents never did I expect that I would be blessed with three beautiful children. Never did I expect all of the emotions I would be having either.

I cry on each one of the kids' Airplane days (Arrival Days), I cry on each one of their birthdays, I cry on the day that we were officially a family.

These children have lost so much. Loss of their First Mom, loss of extended members of their birthfamily, loss of language, loss of culture, loss of having just Korean friends, loss of foster family, loss of seeing Korea, loss of their homeland, loss of their Korean citizenship, and so much more.

Their First mom has lost so much as well. Loss of her children, loss of her grandchildren and the rest of the family line, loss of seeing her children grow up, loss of seeing the milestones in their lives, loss of being able to communicate with them in Korean, loss of seeing them, hearing them, and touching them, loss of seeing if their personalities are similar to her own, and so much more.

I hope that their First Mom knows how much I love her children. I hope that she knows that I kept them together. I wrote her a letter and physically placed that letter in the kids files. I pray that she reads it. I hope that she'll continue to check the file for more letters that I'll write. I hope that she enjoys the kids' artwork that they want to send to her.

I hope that their foster families continue to read the letters I send them. I hope that they see all of the artwork the kids want to send to them. Most of the artwork thus far goes to Korea. I am able to keep very little of the artwork. This is how much my two oldest kids love their foster family. Their foster family is our family as well. We love them just like we would any other family member.

I hope that someday soon we can travel as a family to Korea. So that R and K can see their foster family and that B can see hers. R says that he's sad that his Omma doesn't live here with us. I tell him that I'm sad too and I'm sure that his Omma misses him very much.

Well I gotta go so that we can listen and try singing along to some Korean music as we do every day for at least an hour (most days it's much more than that). I just hope that I don't breakdown and cry again while listening to it thinking about all of the losses.

~Jen

The Many uses of Fingerpaint...

Did you know about the many uses of fingerpaints?


(1) You can paint on the fingerpaint paper

or if that's too boring for you...

(2) You can paint the breakfast nook table a nice shade of red, blue, yellow and green

(3) You can paint the chair, booster chair, and breakfast nook floor a nice shade of yellow

(4) You can paint the step stool in the bathroom a nice shade of blue while you're washing your hands

(5) You can paint the sink in the bathroom various shades of red, blue, yellow and green

(6) You can paint your arms with it up to your elbows

and lastly

(7) You can put a small dot of blue paint on your lips after Mommy told you not to do so

Needless to say there was a big cleanup afterwards.

~Jen

Steps...

We've had some big moments in our home and 2008 has barely started. For starters, Bella took her first step to me on January 9th. Ryan was walking/running when he came home at 10 1/2 months and Katie took her first step to Jeff on Father's Day. This time I was honored with the first step.

Last night, Bella took 4 steps while in her room. I'm the only one who got to see it.

She is eating more finger foods as well...ones besides the every mother's dream of Cheerios. She will eat green beans, banana, and sometimes even pear. She is still unwilling to hold her bottle while sitting up and a training sippy cup is for throwing, right??? She is still behind her peers with foods however and I'm not sure what I'm doing yet for her come her first birthday...can't exactly make a cake out of cheerios and rice cereal????






Or can we???? Well that's something to ponder about...



In other news, Ryan wants to learn to read and write so that he can write a letter to his Omma (something which Jeff and I are fine with). Katie had a set back with potty training but hopefully she will be having better days ahead.

~Jen

ADOPTION: Opening those Closed Records

While we didn't adopt domestically, we were involved with an adoption agency for nearly 2 years on their waiting list. What drew us to this agency was the idea of having an open adoption with the First Mom (that agency calls them birthmothers). We never made it off of their waiting list that had 20 families on it. Our last check with them we were # 8 before we were told that they were trying to switch everyone over to international adoption into a program that we didn't feel comfortable with at all.

Today in our local newspaper, not during National Adoption Month in November, there is a long article that is on the front page about an adult adoptee who is searching for her First Mom.

I do hope that the bill passes this time. The bill is sponsored by Senator Bill Larkin (R-Cornwall-on-Hudson). To view the bill head to Information on Bill A02277. The gist of this bill is to provide identifying information to the child in a closed adoption when the child turns 18 years old. I do hope for all involved in the Adoption Triad (adoptee, adoptive parent, and First parents) that the adoption records are opened.

To read the article go to: Newspaper Article on Adoption Records

Please read Musings of the Lame under Blogs from First Moms or go to it directly at Musings of the Lame. It's a wonderful blog from a First Mom that Jeff and I had the pleasure of meeting at the KAAN Conference in Boston last year.

~Jen