A Post from Our Mommy

I had to come on here and tell you all about our experiences this past weekend. Jeff and I went to the 9th annual KAAN conference http://www.kaanconference.com/ (Korean American Adoptee Adoptive Family Network) in Boston Massachusetts this past weekend while the kids were at my parents' house. It was our first conference and we learned quite a bit about various topics of discussion.

Friday night we were on our own for dinner and we ate out with the organizer of KAAN. We got invited (although we felt like we were crashing the dinner a little bit). I met the organizers and we had a wonderful dinner. At the dinner I met the woman whose blog is called Third Mom (see my links for her blog). She said that she doesn't have anything more to blog about but I can't imagine she is done with her blog. Adoption is a lifelong process. I can' t imagine that she has said everything she needs to about adoption.

We attended Jeff Mead's presentation on More than Just Love--a Dad's Perspective on Adoption. We also attended Learning to be Asian and Adopted/Learning to be an Adoptive Family, I'm not Chinese, I'm Korean!, Silent Mothers: the Stories of Korean Birthmothers, Are They Your 'Real' Parents: Talking with Children about Adoption, Words Matter, Top 10 Things Your Adopted Child is Thinking but Will Never Tell You (a panel with Korean adult adoptees), and Creating a Toolbox for Adoptive Parents. There were themes that were in each session: getting a mentor for your child, adopting the culture yourself, keep open line of communication between you and your child, take advantage of opportunities that arise around you in your community, and more. The keynote speeches were excellent and the one held lunchtime on Saturday had silenced the audience.

The highlight of the day was the session on Universal Motherhood, Universal Loss. It was a domestic adoption First Mom who gave her story of what she has gone through before the placement and since. There wasn't a dry eye in the place and once people gained their composure one man spoke up and said "this should be one of the keynote speeches for next year's KAAN". I couldn't even speak. I was so emotional.

Some basic things that I have learned by attending KAAN: please don't label birthmoms/First Moms as being strong. I don't think they feel that way at all. And here's something to else to think about: when you celebrate your child's birthday each year, what does your child's First Mom (birthmom) feeling that particular day? I can't imagine she is happy.

Later in the day, I ran into the presenter and told her that my children's First Mom (their birthmother) is the first thing that I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing that I think of when I go to bed each night. This domestic birthmom and I chatted for awhile in between sessions. It didn't matter that she was a domestic birthmom and my children are Korean. Feelings are feelings no matter where you live, what you look like, and what culture you might come from. I got a glimpse of what my children's First Mom might have experienced and is experiencing. I'm sorry for those of you who were unable to attend to meet and listen to this wonderful birthmom.

Jeff and I picked up a Sogo drum (so now we have two), some Korean fingerpuppets, Korean trinkets, a Korean kids video, books for me (oh and the books that I did pick up the authors were there at KAAN so that I could ask my friend Maggie and get them signed along with the books that I bought at Camp Mujigae).

If you haven't been to KAAN, you need to go. It's enlightening, friendship making, tiring, emotional, and so worth it. It's not just for adoptees but also their parents, pre-adoptive parents, social workers, counselors, adoptive grandparents, and more.

Just so you know next year's KAAN is July 18-20 in Chicago. Mark it on next year's calendar, make a vacation out of it and go. Jeff and I don't regret going to Boston at all.

~Jen