National Adoption Month...

I sit here and think this month about how my family came to be. We adopted 3 children from Korea. This month is a very happy month if I can totally disregard the fact that there was loss, a huge loss you might say, with two of the parties in this. One party had no say in the matter whatsoever.

Here's how my family started: a woman, me, and a man, my husband, wanted a family. We researched and decided upon Korea. Less than a month after our application and homestudy, we got our referral, our son. We did our required paperwork on this end and paperwork was done in Korea. Finally our son came home to us. He had trouble bonding to me. I tried everything to help him out (taking a bath with him, being the only one to feed him, sleeping with him, being the only one to change his diapers and clothes, etc.) but it took him 3 months to bond to me after he got chicken pox from the vaccine.

6 months after he came home we got a phone call from our social worker, he had a sister. We went back into the process and adopted her. Our reason was that we wanted to keep the family together...we knew family was important in Korea and it was important to us for this reason. Less than a year after he came home, his sister came home.

Over a year later we found out that they had a sister and would we like to adopt her. We went back into the process and we went to Korea to do the touristy things but also to see the county where our children were born, to see their foster mothers, to be in the minority for once in our lives to try to understand what it might be like for our children and more.

That is our happy story of how our family went from 2 to 5 members but another story is in play here.

A woman that I have never met half way around the world gave birth to a child. For whatever the reason, she couldn't parent her child. That child was given to an adoption agency and they found a foster family to raise that child until that child was given a permanent family.

To some degree, I feel horrible celebrating this month. To celebrate something that causes somebody so much pain and loss is something that I have trouble doing. I feel like I perpetuated the system by adopting and it does not matter where I adopted from.

The First Mom should have the universal right to parent her child which is her primal right as a mother to do so. In some areas of the world that is not true...other people make that choice for the First Mom, others coerce the First Mom into believing that her child will have a beautiful life somewhere else (without her) and tell her that she will forget the ache that she has in her heart. Instead we should support organizations that support First Moms and their rights to parent their child. We should only use adoption as an absolute last resort.

The other half of me is honored that my husband and I were given the ability to love and parent these children. These children are so funny, so witty, so clever, so fun to be around some days, so caring, so creative with their play, so smart and so sad at times for the stuff that they have lost. Yes they have each voiced their own sadness in their own words without any prompting from anybody else. They have each pushed me away at times only to come back to me to tell me they love me and ask for a hug. I never thought for a moment when we started the process to adopt in 2004 that we would have 3 children and that it would be easy. Each of them miss their foster mother sometimes it's just for a few minutes sometimes on and off for days. I'm here to try to comfort them and suggest way to communicate with their foster mothers.

I am here to ride out the rough waves no matter how tall they might be, to listen to my children, and hug and kiss them when needed.

If you want to celebrate adoption month, open up the records. Don't keep any secrets regarding adoption. It only hurts the child you say you are trying to protect.

If you want to celebrate adoption month, support the organizations that support the First Mom/family parenting the child.

Lastly if you want to celebrate adoption month, support the child who might be going through some rough patches in their lives and the adoptive parents who might need support as well.

Saving Connor...

Please go to Saving Connor to read up on Connor's story. This story tugs at my heartstrings. If you are Korean or know of somebody who is, please consider becoming a bone marrow donor...you never know whose life you'll be saving.

For more information on bone marrow donation, please see my earlier post entitled For Julia. Please donate and do it today.

Maybe you'll be the one to save little Connor...


~Jen

"You're in My Heart..."

Ryan came bounding up to me this morning and said "Mommy Mommy Mommy, you're in my heart"...right there as he pointed at the area that I'm in. He had a huge smile on his face when he said it.

He said that his heart is big and lots of people are in it. I can only imagine who might be there as right now he is using his magnifying glass to search for something.

~Jen

An Outing to a Korean Restaurant for a Princess

We recently took our youngest Princess to a local Korean restaurant. We arrived before 6 pm and we were the only ones in the place but not for long. After picking out a table near the fish tank, we ordered our food of 2 orders of mandu, one order of dolsot bibimbahp, one order of Tang Soo Yuk, and one order of Dahk Goo Yee. This was on top of the soup and the mung bean sprouts, spicy cucumber slices, and kimchi.

The children didn't want the bibimbahp but had the mandu, Tang Soo Yuk and Dahk Goo Yee. When we mentioned that we were out celebrating our princess' birthday, the owner came back with a scoop of ice cream with a lit candle and umbrella in it. The other two children are planning their birthday dinner outings after the good food that we had.

~Jen

Olympics 2010 and Korean Role Models

We've been busy here in our home with schooling, preparing for Santa to come, Bella's birthday on Seol-nal and more. I have to catch up with you all later on those events.

This week we've been cheering on both Americans and Koreans in the Olympics. Hands down our favorite going into the Ladies Figure Skating was 김연아 (Kim Yu Na) and boy did she ever deliver. Her performance with the short program was amazing and fun to watch. The children saw it and Bella said "Kim Yu Na is dancing Mommy". And dancing she was with a little 3 year old fan doing jump spins right along with her. What a wonderful role model to have!!!

Kim Yu Na's performance last night at the Vancouver Olympics was in the stratosphere. She definitely earned the gold medal. Jeff and I watched as the rest of the skaters tried but just couldn't obtain that stratosphere high bar that Kim had set.

I wish we were in Korea right now to celebrate along with the other Korean fans. We can't wait to watch more angelic dances by this Olympic skater!!

~Jen

Happy Merry Share Day!!!

Did you hear about Happy Merry Share Day?? Ryan created it last Thursday and we have been celebrating it since. It's when you share your stuff with others who don't have enough. Can you share your time to help others in need? Can you share those homebaked cookies, pies, etc with your neighbors? Can you share your toys with other children in need?

Think how much better this world would be if we all learned to share and give of ourselves...my children know the meaning of Christmas. It's not to receive gifts from others but to give them TO others. Those gifts may be the gift of time, the gift of knowing how to read, the gift of giving toys, clothes and food to others in need, and more. And my children are 5, 4 and 2 years old.

So Happy Merry Share Day to you and I hope that you celebrate it by helping others in need each and every day of the year and not just during the upcoming holiday season.

~Jen

HUGE BREAKTHROUGH!!!

Ryan had a huge breakthrough last night and today. He has been thinking about himself for awhile and not helping others who are in need. Last night while we were out shopping he wanted to pick out toys for the poor children who don't have any. Jeff and I had discussed before about donating a toy to Toys for Tots so he picked out a matchbox car set for a boy. The girls picked out a musical instrument set for the girls who don't have any toys.

We also shopped for Operation Christmas Child as well. It was suggested to us by several people as a means for our children to further help others. We are joining a homeschooling group to help pack up the shoeboxes.

This morning, Ryan was upset that we couldn't do more. He told me while he was eating breakfast that he wanted Nana and Papa to not give him a Christmas present but to give it to the "poor children who don't have any toys". I told him that this means he may not get a present to open from them at Christmas this year, he said "that's okay I have alot of toys Mommy". Per his insistence, I called my mom up at work so that he could tell her. Then we made two more phone calls, one to my dad and one to Daddy at work.

After the chiropractic appointment this morning, we went to the local dentist who is collecting Halloween candy and paying $1 a pound for it in our Halloween Candy buy back program. We dropped off our candy and got $3...one dollar for each of them for their piggybanks bringing them a step closer to going to Korea.

After we got home, Ryan had a snack with his sisters and asked to help out those poor people who don't have any food. We filled up two grocery bags with peanut butter, rice, jelly, canned goods, and more. After that was done we bagged up the stuff for Operation Christmas Child and got that ready to bring with us to next week's meeting.

Tonight he asked me if I was proud of him. I couldn't be more proud of him. And now he understands why I help out the local mothers who need clothing and baby supplies for their newborn to 2 year olds. He also understands why this past Saturday his Daddy mailed out 5 packages to a friend of mine from one of the adoption boards. She and her family are helping the less fortunate in Mexico. Children that have next to nothing along with their families.

He might be a 5 year old boy but he is wise beyond his years right now. He can't understand why others don't help the poor and needy. He can't understand why people are hungry, why people live on the streets instead of homes, why their children don't have toys to play with, and more.

Can you answer him? Can you help others less fortunate than you this year? While I realize this comes during a difficult financial time, can you afford to purchase one more can of vegetables this upcoming holiday season? Can you afford to buy one gift for a child who has none to open this Christmas? Can you donate coats, hats, scarves, or mittens for those children who have none this winter? Can you pass on the word to help others?