On the Death of a Loved One

From the title you probably already know that it's the kids' Mommy again posting. My last living grandparent died late Thursday night. It was my paternal grandmother.

I am taking this hard as my maternal grandmother died on this date about 2 decades ago. As weird as that may sound to most of you, I am mourning my maternal grandmother's death just as if it just happened as well as my paternal grandmother's death.

I helped my Dad in a very smallish way, create a collage of pictures of my paternal grandmother's life by sending him a few of ones that we had of her from our wedding a little over 13 years ago. He also included pictures of our soon to be 3 kids. All of these pictures of my paternal grandmother's life is going to be presented in a CD slideshow of sorts at the funeral home during the wake.

My paternal grandmother's obituary is up at the funeral home's website and the great grandchildren (at least for our side) are listed properly.

What hurts the most is that my maternal grandparents and paternal grandfather never got to know that I got married, never got to know that Jeff and I were adopting, never got to know that we have 2 beautiful kids with us with a third on the way. Jeff's paternal grandfather never knew that he graduated from college, never knew that he was getting married, never knew that we were adopting, and never knew that we would have 2 kids with a 3rd on the way. While I believe in Heaven, I believe that we also have Guardian Angels that surround us. My Guardian Angels are my grandparents.

In my grandmother's obituary, memorial contributions are to be made to the Endometriosis Research Center. Endometriosis is a disease that I suffer from so I am grateful that something good might come out of her tragic death.

When my grandmother was younger, she was known as "Dancing Helen". She loved to polka and played Polish music in her house since she was Polish. She loved Ryan since he won her heart when he was dancing while watching a polka band play on her TV. It was a really cute scene seeing him dance while watching the Polka bands play on TV.

While I should be lying in bed with Jeff sleeping away, I can't with tears streaming down my face. I so much want to just snuggle up with one of the kids right now and fall asleep but with my tears and sobs I know that I'll wake them up. So here I sit and blog to my readers. When I get the chance, I'll have to look up what death means to Koreans and learn something new. Or if you know something about this, please share it with me.

With much sadness and sorrow,

~Jen