Sorrows this Lunar New Year...

We are listening to traditional Korean lullabyes and other Korean music while I'm sitting here typing this in. I read something this morning that set me thinking.

It's from Touched by Adoption 2008 Calendar and it talked about infinite are the losses and the joys in adoption. I pondered how many losses each one of the children in my household have had.

Here's something for you all to ponder about: While I've been celebrating Seol-nal otherwise known as Korean Lunar New Year (or trying to in our sick household but I'll update you all in about that in another post), my thoughts are in Korea. My children's First Mom (and her family) won't see them dressed up in their Hanboks, see them bow to each of their ancestors, touch them and hold them, smile upon them and so much more. What makes me so sad this year is that my little Bella is celebrating her Tol next week with family and friends here. I know that both on her birthday and the day of her birthday party, I'll end up crying. It may not be with family and friends present but I will be crying for Bella's inifite losses, her First Mom's infinite losses, and her Foster Mom's infinite losses as well. There is another loss that I can't even begin to explain here but it's a loss of hers just the same.

Bella will be turning one and she has had more losses in her young life than I had by age 10!!!

How many losses have you had in the first year of your life? Did you lose your First Mom? Did you lose your homeland? Did you lose your culture and heritage? Did you lose your language of your homeland? Did you lose your First Mom's family along with your First Dad's? Did you lose the relationship with familiar faces that you knew in your homeland? Did you lose your ability to talk to your First Mom in her native tongue?

What losses have you endured in the first year after your birth? I bet to most of you reading, you haven't had the losses my kids have had unless you were adopted or are a First Mom. Hence the reason why I cry on my kids birthdays, on their arrival days, on their referral days, on the anniversaries of their family days, on Mother's Day and Father's Day and days like Seol-nal when they would be honoring their ancestors.

I can imagine that some of you reading this won't understand this but I can't be called Omma (the Korean word for Mommy). Omma isn't me...it's the Foster moms for my kids. They are Omma, not me. Nor will I wear an Omma pendant. I have no right. If my girls want to wear one, it's up to them. They have an Omma...I don't. And I can see the other see the other side of the story where people would say that I'm honoring their Omma. Unfortunately I don't see it that way after what I went through with Ryan's sheer sadness for 3 months after his arrival. I would rather wear a necklace with a heart on it that I picked up from Korea to honor their First mom and pick a special pendant out to honor their Omma and design a pendant with my children's names in Hangul.

On this Seol-nal holiday, we are hoping that their First Mom is healthy and we wish her a long beautiful life. We are just hoping that Ryan and Katie's Omma loved the 5 photo albums that we gave her in November when we were there. We hope that she is looking at the pictures of our kids that she has on her cell phone every day. We hope that she is well. We also hope with Bella's Omma that her tears of sorrow on the day that Bella left aren't as numerous and that she is healthy and has a long life.

We are lighting a candle this Seol-nal to remind us of the losses and of the hope to have a continuing relationship with their Ommas always, the chance to see Korea once again, and special prayers for their First Mom.

For more information about Seol-nal see Seol-nal Korean Lunar New Year.

With many sorrows and hopes on this Seol-nal holiday,

~Jen