On Father's Day...

The kids woke up this morning and picked out their own presents to give Daddy for "Daddy's Day" (their term for Father's Day). Ryan picked out several of his books to give to Jeff along with a old non-working flip up calculator that the kids call a cell phone. Katie had her Care Bear storybook to give to Daddy. Bella just had a big hug to give him.

Ryan and Katie had to go with Jeff to the auto parts store to fix my car. They wanted to spend time with Daddy. Bella and I watched Signing Time to teach her a few more signs. When they got back home from the store, we all played outside for awhile drawing with sidewalk chalk on the driveway, riding on the ride on toys and more.

The kids are resting now since it's nap time. My thoughts are wandering to my grandfathers that I have lost many years ago and my kids' First Dad and other losses as well. Tears swell up in my eyes when I think about it. Pain and tears that are there just below the surface. I can only imagine what the First Dad looked like. Do my children look more like the First Dad than the First Mom or vice versa? What his favorite things in life are? What his dislikes are? So many questions that as a parent, I don't have the answers to.

Tears flow over their losses as well as my own. And compared with all of their losses, mine pales in comparison...just pales. I haven't lost what they or other adoptees have. I can only imagine what those losses might feel like...which sometimes makes me weep more.

I think sometimes that there aren't too many adoptive families who think the way that I do, that think about their child's First family, foster family, loss of country in the case of international adoption, loss of language, the loss of the sights, smells, sounds, and touch of their First Family and foster family. I base this on my interaction with them be it in person or online. Let me just say that I didn't say ALL here just that there aren't too many who think this way. I hope that my posts about my thoughts about my children's First Family cause you to stop and think.

Tears still flowing here on this Father's Day...