I'm sorry but I had to blog on this. This struck a nerve Wednesday night with me while watching Anderson Cooper 360 on CNN. Wednesday night's show was on Guatemala adoptions. Okay now you're wondering why I watch it and why I am blogging on it. You're probably saying it's Guatemala afterall...you adopted your children from Korea. But if I'm a good enough blogger, you'll understand why in a moment so bear with me for now.
I was watching AC 360 on CNN Wednesday night since they were doing a segment/investigation on Guatemala adoptions. They have been having difficulty there...whether First Moms are giving up their children voluntarily, whether the agency is counseling the First Moms so that they understand what will happen, whether the First Moms are giving birth just so that they can get paid alot of money (side note: they mentioned in the report on AC 360 that Guatemala adoptions cost $30,000) and more. One particular agency was mentioned in this report, Casa Quivira, located in Guatemala.
Anderson Cooper had asked the question that the alleged mother wasn't sure of the month her daughter was born. Casa Quivira's director, Clifford Phillips answered that it is very common that a birthmother forgets the date and time.
Anderson Cooper had asked the question that the alleged mother wasn't sure of the month her daughter was born. Casa Quivira's director, Clifford Phillips answered that it is very common that a birthmother forgets the date and time.
Yes I've written that in twice for a very important reason...to emphasize what this director said. Yes folks you've read that right...a mother who has given birth forgets the date and time of her baby's birth. I wanted to emphasize the fact that birth moms (my mom, your mom, perhaps even you, and my children's First Mom) don't remember the date or time of their children's birth.
But please don't take my word for what was said. Read it for yourself at Anderson Cooper 360 Transcript
When I saw this video on Anderson Cooper with Clifford Phillips, I started shouting out...that's just BS...there is no way that a woman who has given birth forgets when she gave birth!!! My mom certainly hasn't and I'm in my mid 30s. For those of you who have living mothers, go ahead and ask them if they remember your birth date or time. Go ahead and ask them questions about their labor and delivery if you really want to see how much they remember of your birth. I seriously doubt that these birth mothers forget!!!
This summer I was able to get out to Boston with my husband for the KAAN Conference. KAAN stands for Korean American Adoptee Adoptive Family Network. It was held in Boston this year so it was just a short drive for us. At this conference, Jeff and I attended one particular memorable seminar entitled "Universal Motherhood, Universal Loss". It was on one particular birthmother (see Claudia's Birthmother blog) loss when she relinquished her child and her experiences since then.
During Claudia's talk, she had us close our eyes during part of it. During this part, there wasn't a dry eye in the room. She described what she goes at night. The cry, the silent screams into a pillow, the fetal position, the shaking, and so much more. It was heartwrenching to hear but it had to be said just the same. To educate others about what birthmothers must go through.
THE BIRTHMOMS NEVER FORGET THE DAY OF THEIR CHILD(REN)'S BIRTH!!!!
I'm sure that if you asked her or any other birthmom who gave up/relinquished/made adoption plans for their child(ren), they would tell you that they remember...
THEY NEVER FORGET!!!.
So while I'm watching this director of the adoption agency in Guatemala say that it's not uncommon for birthmoms to forget the date and time of their child's birth, I'm thinking of Claudia, my children's First Mom, and all of the other birthmoms out there and scream out in anger "That's simply not true...for our children's First Mom she must be grieving tremendously!!!". Mind you that I'm in bed and hitting the bed with my fists. I'm furious with the statement.
These birthmoms (or as we in our household refer to our children's birthmom as First Mom) DO remember...they DO know exactly what date their child was born.
Doesn't your mom remember what day you were born on? Doesn't she celebrate your birthday by calling you up for those of you with living mothers? Please don't try telling this adoptive mother that my children's First Mom doesn't remember giving birth to her beautiful children and what day it was. Please don't try telling this adoptive mother that my children's First Mom is not grieving for her loss either. She may not outwardly show it but in the inside while in front of others and while she is alone she most certainly does remember the date of her children's birth.
~Jen
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